pahavit (pahavit) wrote,
pahavit
pahavit

At The Bottom Of 7 Oceans

At The Bottom Of 7 Oceans

All week long I've had a drained, empty feeling, but instead of feeling light I feel heavy and leaden. It feels like I'm underwater with the whole weight of the ocean pressing down on top of me. And I'm so weak it must not be just one ocean pressing on me, but all seven of them. I feel like I'm trapped at the bottom of seven oceans.

My arms and legs feel so heavy, there must be lead weights attached to them. My lungs feel heavy, like I'm trying to breathe water. My mind feels heavy, like my higher human brain has gone dormant and I'm left with the lower primitive brainstem in charge, dully struggling to connect 2 abstract thoughts together.

On days when I've felt this bad and had a doctor's appointment, my blood pressure has always been low (e.g., 90/50, and once it measured 70/30, but since I was conscious at the time I think the device was probably faulty). Neurally-mediated hypotension, a form of low blood pressure, often occurs in people with CFIDS/ME. Most of the time for me this lasts only a day or two, but this time it's been all week.

I don't like feeling trapped at the bottom of seven oceans. It feels like I'll never make it back to the surface to the fresh air and sunlight again.

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Tags: disability/medical, me/cfs
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